A loss of sexual desire in women is quite common but exactly how
common is difficult to say. A 'sex census' of 24,709 British people,
found that, at any one time, about 16% of women have a low sex drive.
Other surveys have reported much higher figures.
For example a US survey
of 32,000 women, found that 38% reported a lack of sexual desire.Although the figures seem quite alarming, they’re just a snapshot in time. Sexual desire waxes and wanes according to life’s circumstances. You might have a high sex drive at the start of a new relationship, but a low sex drive during a period of illness, or just after you’ve had a baby. In other words, different women take turns being that 16 or 38%.
"A loss of sexual desire can happen at any age, but it appears to become more common with ageing," says Claudine Domoney a consultant gynaecologist and spokesperson for the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists.
However, she points out that, as women age, a fall in sexual desire becomes less distressing for them. "So, as a problem, it probably stays roughly the same throughout the ageing of women, just because of the lack of distress. You can’t call it a problem if women are not distressed or bothered by it."
In the medical profession, low sex drive is only defined as a sexual dysfunction if the person feels "significant distress" and the problem has lasted for at least 6 months.
When is it a problem?
Denise Knowles, a sex therapist at relationship charity, Relate, says if both partners in a relationship have equally matched low sex drive (or no sex drive), then it’s unlikely to cause any relationship problems or emotional distress."But more often than not, that’s not the case," says Denise. "If one of the partners doesn’t want sex, then the other partner can start to feel very suspicious and isolated, and that can drive a wedge between the couple."
The National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles found that 1 in 4 women who are in a relationship don’t share the same level of interest in sex as their partner. (The figure is the same for men.)
If your sex drive has taken a plummet, it may be worth looking into the potential causes. Sometimes a GP or gynaecologist can identify the root of the problem with a blood test, a pelvic examination, or a review of your prescription medicines. Or, if the problem is less physical and more psychological, a cognitive behavioural therapist or sex therapist can help.
Hormones
Most hormones have an impact on sexual feeling and sexual behaviour, so it’s one of the areas doctors will investigate if you’ve had an unexpected loss of libido.Your doctor might suggest a thyroid function test to see if your thyroid gland is working normally. An underactive thyroid (hypothyroidism) can cause a loss of libido. The good news is, if you do have hypothyroidism, it can easily be rectified with replacement thyroxine hormone.
Low levels of oestrogen can also cause problems, such as vaginal dryness, which can make sex painful. " Pain causes a negative feedback in sexual relationships which results in a loss of libido," says Claudine Domoney.
During the menopause, a woman’s oestrogen levels drop. Some women choose hormone replacement therapy (HRT) to replace the sex hormones that their ovaries used to make. This can overcome the issue of vaginal dryness. There are oestrogen-containing pessaries and creams that can be applied directly to the vagina. These treatments increase blood flow to the vagina and help improve lubrication.
Another sex hormone that is implicated in low sex drive in women is testosterone. Between the ages of 20 and 40, women’s testosterone levels fall by about 50% but, as with most hormones, the link between testosterone and libido isn’t straightforward.
" Testosterone replacement therapy may be helpful for some women, but you need to be certain that there aren’t other issues that need to be dealt with first," says Claudine Domoney. "Applying a bit of testosterone gel is not going to solve relationship or psychological issues."
Sex hormones also change dramatically during pregnancy and breastfeeding. Some women find their libidos flagging at this time, but not all women do.
Medicines
Some medicines can also interfere with your libido. The main culprits are:- Anti-depressants (SSRIs and tricyclic antidepressants)
- Antihistamines and decongestants
- Anti-seizure drugs
- Blood pressure medicines
- Tranquilisers
- Oral contraceptives
- Mirena coil (sometimes used for contraception but for also for heavy periods and pelvic pain)
Stress
Stress can affect hormone levels, putting a brake on desire and, when people are stressed and lead hectic lives, they often eat a poor diet, drink too much alcohol, smoke and don’t get enough sleep. All of these things can have a negative impact on libido."We’re all living extraordinarily busy lives," says Denise. "And if a woman has got children and she’s working as well, then that can also contribute to her not feeling very sexy and not feeling like fitting sex into her already over-scheduled day."
This is a particular problem for people in their thirties, a time during which women often find themselves dealing with family, careers and busy social lives. A survey conducted by Ann Summers and Relate found that 30 to 39 year olds are the most "sex-starved" age group, with 55% of women in this age bracket wanting more sex. This age group is also the least satisfied with the quality of their sex life.
There is not much you can do to change this life stage, other than ensure that domestic chores and child care are shared fairly between you, as a couple. Where possible, try and make time to relax. Take up tai chi, yoga or mindfulness meditation.
Also, console yourself with the fact that things tend to get better with age.
Looking forward to better sex
When it comes to sex, being older seems to have its advantages. The Ann Summers/Relate survey found that around the age of 40, women’s sexual confidence increases, before peaking somewhere between the age of 60 and 69."If you look at the demographics, a lot of post- menopausal woman will report feeling sexier than ever," says Denise. "And they’re enjoying a good sex life."
Getting things back on track
But why wait till you’re older to get your mojo back? If your GP or gynaecologist has ruled out any underlying physical problems and you can’t identify any psychological or relationship problems, you might want to follow Denise’s tips for rekindling your desire:- Create time for one another, share the responsibility by taking it in turns to organise "us time"
- Pamper one another. Share a leisurely bath. And pamper yourself!
- Start the desire early, sending a txt or two during the day, saying what you'd like to do when you're together (not doing the dishes or cutting the grass!)
- Don't think about sex, get in touch with touch
- Read erotica to one another whilst snuggled up in bed.
Medically Reviewed by Dr Rob Hicks
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